Monday, July 2, 2012

What a difference a day can make!

One year ago this very moment, we were packing our bags and coolers, loading the vehicles and heading to the beach with Kevin's sister's family and one other family.  In all, there were six adults, and six children - 5 girls and one poor boy.  (one poor boy that Kevin was quite charmed by, by the way)  The weather was perfect, the beer was cold, the water was refreshing.

On the way to the lake, my sister in law asked me if we were going to have any more kids.  Why we had that conversation, I can't recall exactly, but I remember telling her that I was finally in a place where I felt like I didn't want any more kids.  I should mention that I did go through a period where I begged Kevin nearly every day to have just one more, but he wouldn't budge.  The "itch" to have another baby lasted well over a year, but I was finally in a place in my life, where I didn't feel that itch anymore.  It was a good feeling.  The prospect of raising our family instead of building it further was exciting - watching the girls grow and develop into young women was something I was genuinely looking forward to.  Life was good, and it was getting easy.  There were no more diapers, bottles were long a thing of the past, everyone could dress themselves, feed themselves, bathe themselves, it was really getting easy!

While sitting on top of a picnic table at the beach, watching the kids splash in the water, Kevin leaned into me, nudged me with his elbow and said "maybe we should try for that boy."

I will never ever forget that one moment in time.  My heart nearly stopped.  Just the mere idea that Kevin would finally consider having another baby shocked the hell out of me, and the itch was back, and it was bad. It was all I could think about for the coming days.  It was all I could talk about for the coming days.  Of course, Kevin backpedaled a bit when we got home, claiming he wasn't 100% sure so maybe we should wait a month or two.  But by the grace of God and some other circumstances, we learned we were pregnant exactly one month after the day at the beach.

While a whole year has passed since that fateful day last July, and life has thrown us a curveball, I wouldn't change that moment for anything.  I wouldn't go back and ignore the itch, even if it meant not going through the stress and pain we've endured the last three months.  My sister in law asked me last week "if you could have a fairy come and erase everything, the Down syndrome, the pregnancy, your memories of it all, would you do it?"

The answer is easy.  No.  Yes, the last three months have been painful and full of stress, but they've also been loaded with the most beautiful joy I've ever know, the joy of a complete family, a fulfilled life, and an overflowing cup.

Even if a fairy came along and offered to slip that extra chromosome out of our lives, I don't know that I would take them up on it.  Sam's presence in our lives has brought change, it has brought wonderful people into our lives, and it's going to bring wonderful experiences and pride throughout the years.

My dear cousin sent us a card of well wishes last month as we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.  Inside the card, just below the signatures, she added with flair a note that said...."what a difference a day can make."  While her words were simply put, the truth of her statement speaks volumes.  One wedding day, four children and one extra chromosome later,  here we are.  I wouldn't trade one day for something better, because something better doesn't exist.

1 comment:

  1. Those pictures are priceless! So cute! You have a beautiful family, Amanda!