Tuesday, May 15, 2012


I do pray.  On occasion, I'll get down on my knees, clasp my hands together and pray.  But more often than not, it's more of an "open line of communication" with the big guy upstairs.  And most of these conversations take place in the vehicle on those rare occasions when I'm driving alone.  More than one of these said conversations have been about how blessed my life has been.  My life has taken many turns that I didn't exactly anticipate, but in the end...it's been perfect, and for that, I'm extremely grateful.

In high school, I worked at the local hardware store.  Everyday at 4:30 I'd wait for this certain "really hot" guy that works at the electric company to come shopping.  He did so quite often, and I would do my best to flirt with him and catch his eye.  Of course, I don't know that I ever came within 20 feet of him, but that doesn't matter.  In the end, I got the guy.   Shortly after we got married, I wanted a baby - bad.  It didn't take long, and we were expecting our first little one.  I wanted a girl, and I got her.  Then I wanted another baby, and we got pregnant again.  This time, I wanted another girl because I grew up with a brother and Kevin with a sister, and I wanted our oldest to experience having a sister.  And we got another girl.  Then we found ourselves expecting again, and guess what?  I wanted another girl!  (Pink was all I knew at this point, so I figured it was a safe route)  And another little girl blessed our lives.  For two years I begged to have another baby, and just when I thought I wasn't going to get what I wanted, Kevin caved, and we were expecting one last time.  This time, I wanted a boy.  I wanted blue.  I wanted Tonka trucks and John Deere tractors to trip over.  And I got my boy.  We got our boy.  I'm kind of spoiled when you think about it.  Ok, I'm really spoiled.  But for the sake of not sounding like a brat, we'll call it "blessed".  I can seriously say I have everything that I want in life, aside from that new house we're dreaming of.

This kitty was given to us by Sam's teacher
to remind us of how wonderful our
kitty is!!
While I didn't pray and ask for a child with Down syndrome, I'm starting to realize that it might have been what I didn't know I always wanted.  One interesting perspective on DS I read was this: It's like dreaming of getting a puppy, one that you can teach to play fetch, roll over, sit, shake hands, etc.  You spend time dreaming of the "perfect" puppy.  So you head out to the pet store and gaze adoringly at all those cute little fuzz-balls until you finally find the perfect one.  You put them safely into your pet carrier and drive home, all the while so excited to get home and start this adventure with your new puppy.  When you get home, you open the pet carrier and out slinks a kitten.  There will be no teaching this kitten to fetch, or roll over, sit or shake hands.  What has gone wrong?  What are you going to do now?  Friends say, "it's ok, you can teach kittens to sit and maybe even play fetch."  "It'll be fine, kittens are nice too."  You are crushed.  All the dreams you had about your new puppy have vanished.  You feel sad, you feel cheated, and you really don't know how you're going to go on.  Then one day, you wake up and take a good long look at your new kitten and you realize that kittens aren't so bad.  You kind of like your new kitten, and you don't really want to train him to fetch or roll over.  He's perfect just the way he is, with all the things he may or may not be capable of.  In fact, it turns out you wanted a kitten all along, you just didn't know it.

Perspective is simply a matter of how something seems to appear or how you view something.

A friend recently gave me a neat perspective on something.  Remember my comments on the Grand Canyon, how it couldn't "just happen"?  Well, she reminded me that these amazing landmarks in our world only exist in certain places.  There's only one Grand Canyon, there's only one Mt. Everest, there's only one of every beautiful and amazing landmark.  There's only one of every beautiful and amazing individual.  There's only one you, and one me.  And we are placed in specific places for specific reasons.  With that said, it's safe to conclude that Sam was placed with our family on purpose.  Our kitten fits in this family WAY better than any puppy could have anyhow!

This past Sunday was Mother's Day.  Our day was fairly uneventful, we attended church in the morning and then went to have dinner with my parents. (my dad grills one hell of a burger!)  We headed home late in the afternoon, and it definitely felt like one of those don't-worry-the-housework-will-still-be-there-when-you're-done-being-lazy kind of days, so I opted to lay on the floor next to Sam and just chill with him.  The girls were all outside playing.  I started thinking back on the all the things I've wanted in my life.  Sure, there are things I thought I wanted, but I've gotten along fine without them.  For instance, I thought I wanted a black Mustang with hot pink racing stripes, but my van suits us better.  In all seriousness, I truly have everything I've ever wanted.

When I was pregnant with Sam, I remember dreaming up all the things I wanted for him, for our family.  Of course, that's all changed now.  I'm starting to forget the child I dreamt I was pregnant with.  I'm starting to forget all those things I thought I wanted, and I'm starting to realize that this IS what I wanted.  I wanted a child as special as Sam.  I wanted, no, I needed Sam to come into my life to teach me to love stronger and deeper, to find happiness in all things big and small and to never ever take anything that I have for granted.  I have everything.  In reality, none of it is anything fancy - but I have love in my life, I have joy, and I have beauty - my children are the most beautiful people in the world through my eyes.  There's nothing I want....I'm spoiled, er, I mean blessed.

So, though I didn't know it, I wanted a kitten and I got myself a kitten.  I myself am a cat person, always have been...I guess I just didn't know it. 

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful post, Amanda! It's so easy to look past everything that we want but don't have to see all the great that we have. I find myself sometimes doing that too. Wanting so bad for my husband and I to have a baby ourselves and not noticing how great my life is right now. I have the best husband in the world (and by that, I mean, we all have the best husband in the world - the best one for each of us) and the bond that we are making by going thru these struggles is something we wouldn't have had the opportunity to do if we "got what we wanted" from the start. Although it has taken nearly 2 years for me to realize this, I'm thankful for it. Maybe my plan wasn't the best plan like I thought it was...maybe it's true that what God has planned for us is much better. Thanks for the inspiration today and I'm glad you had a wonderful Mother's Day! ((hugs))